Making Rest a Practice

I have to set an alarm to stop working.

Most people have to set an alarm to wake up, (ie, stop resting) but I have to set one to stop working. I know my productivity is ingrained. It’s part of my nature AND my nurture: my grandmother was an overachiever (see my post, Just Close Enough to the Sun), and that productive, industrious mindset was part of my upbringing. “I can work hard, I get it done, and I don’t need rest!”

But the truth is, clearly, I do, as does everyone.

Two things brought this into perspective for me this week. One was my boss at the hospital, an amazing advocate for protecting one’s own physical and mental health. I was explaining to her that I felt I was pouring myself out for everyone, without an ounce of myself leftover to care for or protect. I have been known to cry out of the guilt I feel at doing something healthy and kind for myself like working out or taking a nap.

Lock your door and recover

She told me I needed to stop working on my post-call days and allow myself to rest. She said, “You need to go into your house, lock your door, and not let anyone in. You don’t have to nap. You can lay in bed. You can watch trashy tv shows. Do whatever it is you need to do to replenish yourself and rest. It’s up to you, but don’t emerge from your room until you feel recovered.”

That approach has made a big difference for me. I now block my post-call days on the calendar. I lock my door. And I take up space.

This is really important for me because, as a shift worker, I don’t have the natural “built in breaks” of weekends that most employed people do. I work weekends and holidays and nights. Conversely, when I’m resting, it’s the middle of the workweek and everyone else may be working… which makes me feel like I should be working.

This becomes a vicious cycle because I won't take a day off to let my brain relax. Even when I’m at the hospital, if I’m working a 24-hour shift and it’s “down time,” I feel like I should be working. So I’ll chase an idea and get into a flow state, and before I know it, it’s midnight and I’ve ruined my bedtime (which I’m trying to keep consistent, but that’s another blog post).

Give Yourself a Quitting Time

My boss reminded me, “You have to learn to stop working at a certain time. That’s what most people do during the day, they quit working at 5 pm and go home.” So I set an alarm on my phone to make a fun noise at 5 pm, saying “STOP WORK.” It’s a little easier to obey this alarm when I’m working from home because our family eats dinner at 6:30, and my husband will chide me into eating with my family and enjoying their company. Obviously, when I’m at the hospital and there’s no external motivation, I have a much harder time setting that boundary.

However, I was listening to a podcast recently, Hello Monday, the second reason for this blog post. On that podcast was a “rest coach” who was explaining that when she works with clients, she doesn’t try to change their entire lifestyle. She works on 1% changes, to make gradual, sustainable change.

Practicing Small Changes

What do those 1% changes look like in practice? The other night my STOP WORK alarm went off at 5, and I didn’t stop working. I reset the alarm for 6. And it went off at 6 and I didn’t stop working…until 9 pm. However. At 9 pm I walked away from work, ate dinner, and took a shower. I shut the computer off to signal to my brain, “I’m done. That’s enough.” So I’m making slow, incremental changes.

Adapting my life this way is almost a rebellion against the standard hustle lifestyle: we will take up space and rest. We will tell ourselves to stop working and enjoy the people we live with and love. I know that rest gives me so many benefits. I will keep practicing rest, bit by bit, until it sticks.

Dr. Braden’s Recommendations:

Hello Monday: Podcast by Jessi Hempel. The episode from February 16 is called “How Rest Boosts Creativity and Productivity: A Guided Practice with Octavia Raheem.” Well-worth the listen.

Atomic Habits: Book by James Clear. This book speaks about ways to make changes to our behaviors by creating different habits, changing them incrementally. Excellent resource on this topic, please check it out!

Varley clothing sets: I was a little skeptical about this idea of matching sets. At first, they grossed me out and reminded me of “grandma glam,” but after trying these, I will wholeheartedly endorse them. These are a game-changer for a person who flies frequently and needs travel clothes that are both professional and comfortable. They run a little big, so size down. They even come in short pant sizes, so for people like me who are shorter, they are a dream. Somebody thought about us! They are not cheap, but they are worth the investment. Varley sets hold up and won’t pill in the washer like other similar “airport-comfy” clothing might. Best of all, when I’m wearing these, they’re stylish and professional, so I feel dressed up, as opposed to looking like a teenage