The Day I Almost Walked Away from Medicine

There’s a version of my life where I’m not a doctor.

Where I’m not here writing this.

Where I walked away before my career ever really began.

That version almost became real—because of postpartum depression.

I was a fourth-year Ob/Gyn resident, fresh off delivering my own daughter, trying to survive sleepless nights, a demanding call schedule, and the crushing weight of feeling like a failure as a mom.

I couldn’t make enough milk.

At least, that’s what I thought.

Every feed ended in tears—hers and mine.

Every weighted feed felt like a judgment.

Every bottle felt like giving up.

I had never heard of Perceived Insufficient Milk Supply (PIMS).

I didn’t know how common it was.

I didn’t know that up to 60–90% of breastfeeding people worry they’re not making enough milk.

Or that PIMS is one of the leading causes of early weaning—even when supply is actually fine.

I just knew I felt broken.

And ashamed.

And deeply, deeply alone.

PMADs: The Unspoken Epidemic

I wasn’t just dealing with breastfeeding struggles.

I was dealing with postpartum depression—something that affects:

• 1 in 7 birthing people, according to the CDC.

• Even more when you count all perinatal mood and anxiety disorders (PMADs), which include postpartum anxiety, OCD, and PTSD.

• People with breastfeeding difficulties are at significantly higher risk.

It’s a vicious cycle:

You struggle to feed your baby.

You feel like you’re failing.

That stress affects your milk supply.

Which confirms your fear that you can’t do it.

Which deepens your depression.

What I Know Now

What happened to me wasn’t rare. It was predictable.

What I know now as both a physician and a patient is this:

• Most people can make enough milk.

  But they’re not set up for success. They’re told to supplement without support. They’re given confusing advice. They internalize blame.

• PIMS isn’t about your body failing.

  It’s about a culture that fails to support recovery. That rushes healing. That erases nuance. That doesn’t teach the basics of supply and demand.

• PIMS is a symptom of a deeper issue.

  When you’re healing from birth, bleeding, hormonal, exhausted, and your mental health is unraveling—of course you question your supply.

  Your whole sense of self is in question.

This isn’t a milk issue.

It’s a maternal recovery issue.

Why I Stayed

I almost walked away from medicine. But I didn’t.

Because when I finally got the right support—when someone helped me name what I was experiencing, when I learned the physiology behind it, when I stopped blaming myself—it lit something in me I couldn’t ignore.

I stayed.

And I built a career around making sure others don’t feel that same isolation.

I became an IBCLC.

I joined national committees to improve postpartum care.

I built solutions I wish had existed when I needed them most.

You’re Not Alone

If you’re reading this and wondering if it’s just you—it’s not.

If you’re struggling and think you should just “try harder”—please stop.

You’re not broken.

You’re in recovery.

And you deserve better support.